Found in the working notes for Meditations on Power, written hastily in Luce’s hand
Well, that was a fine dilemma.
I am not given overmuch to Introspection, but I record this here for my Benefit and mine alone. Today I killed hundreds of Weirmonken, likely more in fact. I killed some hundreds of the Honoured Dead, ordered so by the Queen of Amber.
And I killed Vialle, Lady of Rebma, wife to Random, who had him in her thrall, via a subtle compelling.
Random, my Son.
Some others of the Court of Rebma also fell to my Art, but there was one death I at least do not have upon what passes for my Conscience. Lara, who grappled with Vialle, who even then was exerting the Power of her Aethling form. All this in the Courtroom of Rebma, while some internal struggle was playing out – one that might have fallen to Bloodshed, or even Worse.
So, the Dilemma.
I turn my powers full upon Vialle – or whatever her name may have been – and Murder Lara. I do nothing, or attack mundanely, giving the Aethling a chance to wound or kill not only Lara, but others nearby, thus adding numbers against us. And in that time, what of Madoc’s move upon Moira?
Decisive action would have to cut through it all.
What I Ponder, however, is not the rightness of what was done – it needed doing, I have no doubt, and Amber is ultimately stronger for it – but why did I choose the life of someone I barely know? Lara’s death would have had far less impact upon the status quo. It would have been regrettable, of course.
But I altered the spell’s Course. I killed… I do not even know how many, Rebman Worthies. I am certain to be censured most harshly by Erica (I am certain in her current state – she is most Curiously weak – I could defy her – but what would that do for the Throne? Now is not the time). Sioned is Banished from her home.