Shuffling the Cards

Somewhere unknown. The Sound of a quill on Paper or Parchment. Breathy muttered words. A mirthless Chuckle and the shuffling of the Cards begins.

Can I please ask, when a Queen gives you an order, “Find the Lost” and then decides she doesn’t actually want “The Lost” that we have found, is she even ALLOWED to say no? I guess at all comes down to prerogative, and I know queens can do whatever they want, but really? REALLY!?!?! Amberites are confusing, and some of them appear to be really bad commanders. Order us to do something, we do it, you don’t want it, TOO FUCKING BAD!!! *sigh*………Yes, I’m in a mood. I shouldn’t be, or maybe I should be but I don’t want to be.……I am certainly glad I have not be banged up in irons, which is probably what I deserve after Rebma. Man, I really need to kick this cranky. I feel like my life is being drawn out of a deck of cards lately.

The MoonCard from the Deck – The Moon You need to go on without a clear picture of where you are, where you are going or where you have been. Allow your intuition to guide you.

Find the Lost. Fair enough, I know where one is. If he didn’t want to be found, he shouldn’t have let me find him… logic may be flawed here. But this is serious, Weirmonken, Amber’s royal sceptre (Stupid Boy!), a family that seems to be in complete disarray and one person that is universally acknowledged to have the respect of all of them. What choice do I have exactly? Pattern walk….again…’s becoming a habit. There’s got to be something wrong with walking the Pattern 3 times in such a short time. Whatevs.

Arriving! Meeting Glendenning. Such a beautiful boy; cheeky and a complete sweetheart. So much of what happens next is a little detached. It gets like that when I remove things from my mind. Benedict not happy, and not at all interested in coming back. Wants his family to stop pestering him and step up……I’m not entirely sure that this will happen. Break. A mind jump. Lara showing up, looking for Oberon (wtf?) then the others.

Lara wants to get into the tower on the rise. I can’t really help with that. As to the men…..I honestly have no idea what they are doing here, they never actually explain anything and just expect us to jump to when the time is right. The urge to clock one of them is really high……..there’s that mood again

Card from the Deck – Three of Swords rejection, sadness, loneliness, heartbreak, betrayal, separation and griefthree of swords.

More arguments, I can take care of myself, damnit. Luce, Emil, the only people not arguing with me are Hagan and Lara, the people I actually would probably be swayed by.

Arguments. Benedict sitting by the river, calligraphy. Giving him something, I can’t really recall what. Him refusing, me throwing it in the river. Apologising. Leaving. There isn’t anything to do here.

Then suddenly the rings are activated. Three all at once, close by, one which can’t be activated without my permission. Annoyance and more confusion. Where? I don’t know why, or even how (tbh I’m probably doing something I shouldn’t when I’m working on them), but I can feel the things I create. They don’t call out often, it’s generally a background noise. A calm hum below everyday milieu. I’m used to it now. But this? These three are blazing like vent salamanders. I’m at the end of my patience here, I’m sick of being dragged around by the nose. What’s going on?

The Tower

Card from the Deck – The Tower can signify your ego and the illusion of considering yourself to be superior to others

Five Princes of Amber taking on one garrison and tower of Weir……rational thinking……what is that again? More surprising? I am the rational voice asking them what the hell they are doing. I think it’s fairly indicative of how astonishingly screwy things have become that I am the person asking the rational questions.

Benedict is being…….extremely odd. Not in the usual, “I will smile silently at you because I find you such an amusement” kind of way. He’s….energetic, and……bouncy? And smiling? I wasn’t sure he could actually smile. But he smiles……and he’s quite attractive when he does. I’m not sure how I feel about that.

But, Gods, Glendenning! Letting me ride Glendenning! I love Oliver more than anything, and I hope he’ll forgive me for being swept away by Glendenning!

4465Card from the Deck – The Chariot conquest, victory and overcoming opposition through your confidence and control

Assaulting the wall, taking the keep. Crawling through middens.

Luce told us to wait, Mr “I am Death, the destroyer of worlds” was pretty clear in his commands. To be frank, Lara and I……we are kind of tired of people telling us what to do, and then not listening to us. Through the culvert, into the courtyard. Full.Of.Weir.Fucking.Weir.Gods.Damned.Fucking.Weir.

It’s the first time I have really fought with Lesson, I mean really fought; been angry, so damned angry and able to channel it. Hagan was right. It’s good to have choices. Putting in to practice all the training, all the forms, the modified movements to account for Lesson and how I can use her. Lara and I, we fuck their shit up (I learned that one in NOLA….I think I know what it means, seems an appropriate euphemism). I don’t need to resort to Pattern. I don’t need to channel the anger into the biggest weapon I have. Choices.

The Hermit (2)

Card from the Deck – The Hermit Reversed you are spending too much time alone in excessive isolation

A head in a box. Not kidding. A.Head.In.A.Box. Lara was seeking Oberon. And we found…..a head in a box, an incredibly tricksy box. A beautiful, mad construction. Brand is completely insane. But brilliant. Letting my mind wander over that box, probing its mechanics with questions, looking at how all of the pieces hook up. Impressive, spectacularly impressive. Could it be geared up to DNA? Could Emil open it? Damn that boy has something strange going on in his blood. I think I need to know what that is…..but later.

Lara Emil and I, we can’t open this, at least not yet. I’d prefer not to brain snap on this one.

Five of wandsCard from the Deck – Five of Wands everyone is trying to express their point of view and opinions but no-one is listening, and so there is little progress

More arguments, more back and forth. Literally. Trolley here, trolley there, Lara here, Lara there. Sitting alone in squeaky clean lab waiting for the parade to come back. More of nobody talking to anyone else.

Benedict said that to me, that the family doesn’t talk to each other enough. He’s right, we don’t. It’s really REALLY frustrating. More than once, Lara and I have sat there watching the cavalcade of mostly redundant argument and debate. I am trying desperately not to apply gender stereotypes. Mother and Father would be utterly horrified that I even think of them from time to time. But sometimes it is so very very VERY hard not to. Especially when I’m comparing them to people like Benedict…….#NotAllMen?

Three of CupsCard from the Deck – Three of Cups A compromise will be found which will serve all the interests of those involved.

A consensus, somewhat. Erica doesn’t want him, Luce has cleared off somewhere unknown (facepalm), Emil wants to go and talk to Brand (Stupid Boy), but at least agrees with Hagan, Lara and I that Oberon needs to be put somewhere safe.

Thing is, I don’t trust Emil any more. His judgement lately has been………poor. Yes, he’s admitted that, but somehow he seems to keep moving along that path. He wants to talk to Brand….the person who put Schrodingers’ Oberon in the box (that’s a physics joke!!)

So Hagan agrees that he must be put away somewhere for the moment…….Lara and I will take care of that. I need to get Esmond to look at this thing with us. I like the way he thinks…..outside the box (hahahahahahaaa….ahem)

Cards drawn from the deck – Two of Swords a card of choice and of the difficulty of making a decision*

 Two of Swords1  two of sords  two_of_swords




*It is practice to draw a further two cards, either side of the Two of Swords, to highlight what it is you are trying to balance or decide upon.

Confusion and Indecision. So this is where we are. We found the big fish, and no one wants him. Speaking to Benedict (I don’t even know where to begin with the weirdness that is happening there), he has no certainty either. If anything, he’s relieved not to have to make the choice of whether to wake the big O up or not. I would have said yes. If anyone can fix this, Oberon can….right? But then…he’s not a very good father.

He leaves whenever the fit takes him, he hurts those he should love, he kills his children either directly or indirectly.

My grandfather. I thought him the author of his own doom, my father certainly believes so.

But Benedict points out. A Prince of Amber against a mortal. How could he not win that fight?

If we wake him up, what happens then? Does he do anything? Does he kill Erica? Why are all the certainties I used to have suddenly slinking away like guilty guppies?

The Hanged Man

Card from the Deck – The Hanged Man Reversed the need to look at yourself from an entirely different perspective

And Benedict. I don’t understand why, but he seems easier to talk to. Suddenly more open, approachable. I am unsure why. He answers my Trump. Seems actually pleased to.

From all accounts, he is taciturn, reserved, extremely guarded and well respected. And likely quite feared. I am surprised, but happy that he seems to be less stand-offish. I am…..flattered? Am I? I am unsure.

I have the three rings he returned to me. I must recraft them. I will have need of them shortly… I bother with what’s stored in them?

Fuckit, I can’t be assed. I need to kick this crankiness. Where’s Esmond?

A Voice in the Dark – “well…….hrm”