All streams flow to the sea because it is lower than they are. Humility gives it its power. To govern the people, place yourself below them. To lead the people, learn how to follow them

Arrogance, arrogance, arrogance. It’s a disease that just keeps returning. An idea lodges in my mind and rationality is subsumed by it. So much so that I vigorously defend the actions of arrogance as impotent of harm. Where once I would ask, the thought becomes disconnected.  I am not, was not prepared for this. But then I look at some who were, and I see no difference. Luce, Brand. Emil to a certain extent. Random to a much larger extent. Apparently Corwin. I struggle to understand why.
Lara and Hagen, although I exasperate them and am certain test their patience, have better control. I want to understand.

The snow goose need not bathe to make itself white. Neither need you do anything but be yourself.

Caine called me a petulant child. Am I? I may once have been. Now I struggle to find understanding, to know my own mind and form opinions based on experience.  And yet always is this underlying dread that emanates from anyone who is not of the blood, I struggle not to become the Amberite that my father saw in his father. But is that even the same truth I had previously believed?

At the center of your being, you have the answer; you know who you are, and you know what you want.

I once asked the Unicorn where I fit. The question was too simplistic, as the answer now gives no comfort.  Would I prefer that my father’s line had come through Venway instead? Hagan is like a mother to me (although he would find it odd that I would phrase it this way), and Benedict also has given me guidance (admittedly unexpectedly)…… Occasionally I catch myself thinking about him in a less than appropriate way, but I am not horrified by that. And I think I should be.

When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be

So what is left? I sit here attempting to compose haiku (for Hagan) and sculpt the “hidden landscape” into the shrubbery Erica has given me (without conjuring. She was very clear on that. More than once. She checks on me. Frequently. I think I hear her now.), and I am failing at both.
Do I have to go back to the beginning? Or just wipe that slate clean and start my journey from now?

If you realize that all things change, there is nothing you will try to hold on to. If you are not afraid of dying, there is nothing you cannot achieve