Such strangeness in Tir. I know that’s a bit of a tautology, but really, it was just so odd and I can’t see the pathway which would lead to such an eventuality.

Me as ruler, with Deirdre by my side as an advisor. I mean, Deirdre barely even talks to me, and I’ve no idea where I fit into the succession (I really should find out what happened to my mum and who my father is) but surely there must be people, in fact they vast majority of the family, who sit before me in the list.

But then there was that tarot reading… And it certainly implied that my fate could go that way. But Tir is possibility only; things which may be, things which may never be. Argh. It will eat my brain if I think about it too much.

(As for the bit about Karm children, it solidly fits into the ‘I’ve not got a clue how that would come to be’. Edan seems to be avoiding me quite deliberately and I’ve no idea why or what I’ve done. I guess the gift I sent him must have offended and/ or upset him somehow, or something else could have, but I’ve no idea what. I honestly thought we’d made a real connection during our walk after the ring incident. I guess not. Yes that makes me sad, I like him; very, very much if I’m being honest (and why wouldn’t I be here, it’s my journal after all). Stupid, traitorous heart finally choosing someone to really care about and having it be someone who has no interest back. God I feel like a stereotypical teenage girl writing in her diary… “Dear Diary, Edan is so dreamy and I really like (love?) him and want him to like me, I’ll just die if he doesn’t” etc etc. Next it’ll be writing Mrs Lara Karm in love hearts. Nope, need to think about something else.)

It’s not like there aren’t a million other things to think about. I’m currently writing this while we take a rest break in looking for a way through this barrier. Sioned is still not up to full strength and I was beginning to feel that edge that relying on Greyswandir’s endurance brings. Better to rest for a few minutes than push on without. Hopefully Hagen is having better luck with his tracking than we are. I really think we’re going to need to enlist Emil before we go any further. Trying to get Oberon out of Sean’s head is going to take the skill of all four of us (I don’t want to recruit Talion at this stage, he’s got enough going on with his double agent’ing– I don’t want to risk that – and his mission for Flora and finding the other lost child) and I’m as nervous as hell that we don’t have a plan for how to do it. Once I’m done writing this I’m going to Trump Emil to get him here ASAP, he mentioned he might have an idea about how to do it. Best outcome Sean is uninjured and Oberon is contained, worst outcome… well I won’t be here to tell you about it.

Then there’s also what Bleys is planning on doing, how does what’s going on with succession in Garnath fit into that? Erica’s health and the apparent curse that is on her and the throne, the new threat of Legion (whoever they really may be), Suhoy with the sceptre (interesting to note that the Weir seem as fractured as any other population group), what Dworkin is doing with Tir, what is happening there anyway, is Emil’s mum in real danger?, and probably a million other things that I’ve either forgotten or don’t know about.

It is nice to think that what I saw in Tir could come to be, 150 years of peace sounds like a worthy thing to aim for, but, what will the cost be for it?